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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #1 
Dear Wierd stucco house,

As I was driving to my last inspection of the day, excited to begin my holiday weekend, I was enthused as I noticed that almost all of the houses in your neighborhood were small brick ranches, rectangular in shape.  Since I knew you were on a lock box and no one would be bothering me, I was figuring I would have you done in around 10 minutes or so.  All of a sudden, I saw you in the distance.  My heart dropped.  I immediately began to feel anxious, regretful, and for some reason, a bit shamed.  I shuffled through my file feverishly to get your exact address and as I neared and read the numbers on your wierd stucco mailbox, it was abbundantly clear that the numbers on your mailbox matched the numbers on my order.  As I cursed to myself under my breath, a tear welled up in my eye.  That's when I decided; I'm here damnit and I'm going to get this done.  I wasn't sure what I hated most about you.  At first I was thinking it was the 30 degree acute angle that made up one of the corners of you.... then I realized that there were several other obtuse angles of varying degrees that made up other parts of you.  I decided I hated all of these equally...  Maybe it was the fact that every linear foot of you was covered with bushes so I could not pull my tape measure without fighting through cobb webs and getting infested with tics, spiders, and other bugs.  Maybe it was the porch that was built in to you, under your roof, that required 6 interior measurements.  Maybe it was the 16 different "sides" to you.  No no no... As I untangled myself from the forest I had braved down your right side, that is when I saw her.  Your ugly little sister.  The wierd stucco accessory unit built w/ poor quality workmanship.  Yes.  This is what I hated most about you.  I've done plenty of houses with accessory units and they all tend to be a big pain in the ass but there was something about the fact that this one was stucco and wierd.  It was almost as if she was just smiling at me back there with her middle finger raised and you were laughing at me as I wept in your back yard.  After the hour and 14 minutes I spent with you I learned a lot about myself but most of all I learned that I hate you.  FU wierd stucco house.

Nomad


Happy 4th to all my fellow appraisers.  I know you've all had a wierd one or 2 if you've been doin this a while!!!
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scott

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Reply with quote  #2 

Unless it was a VERY good client, I would have called and canceled....something personal came up I had to deal with....


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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #3 

Fee increase requested.  That's the only thing I like about the ugly little sister.  She gave me an excuse to raise that puppy.  I'd also like to give a big FU to the last redlink entry showing a 1800 SF ranch!!!! ha!

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MichelleDeRepentigny

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Reply with quote  #4 
Oh Man!  Tears are pouring down my cheeks for you!


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johnmbryant

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Reply with quote  #5 
I remember learning the appraiser's prayer in the 70's.

Quote:
Please, God, don't let it be that one.


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Randy

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Reply with quote  #6 

I appraised one in Warner Robins that the entire back side of the house was screened in, had an outdoor kitchen and was shaped like a saw blade with 9 points.  It took me 2 hours to measure and more than that to get the drawing to close in apex.  Mine had a putting green, swimming pool, and outdoor shooting range.  Have fun  

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Bobby

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Reply with quote  #7 
Damn it, that made my crappy week. Thanks for the laugh. And I only laugh because we have all been there.

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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #8 

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnmbryant
I remember learning the appraiser's prayer in the 70's.

Quote:
Please, God, don't let it be that one.


Timeless wisdom....

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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #9 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby
Damn it, that made my crappy week. Thanks for the laugh. And I only laugh because we have all been there.

Oh yeah... More than once for this unfortunate soul! 

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MikePower

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Reply with quote  #10 
Happy 4th to all..

Is that not how it always is....pull in to the street, and your house is the one with the dumpster in the yard and the blue tarp on the roof!!!

Pull in to the street, and your house is the only one that has closed in the garage!

You pull up and the owner says, we are almost done renovating the kitchen as he is cooking on his grill in the driveway!

Mike P.
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pnalley

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Reply with quote  #11 
Crap that's funny!

Sad thing is almost all the houses I appraise have an ugly little sister.

It never fails when I'm out driving around I will see a funkadoo house and I'll say damn I'm glad it isn't that one. Low & behold within 10 days I'll get the order for that particular monstrosity.



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Lobatt

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Reply with quote  #12 
Excellent work. It's funny cause it's true.
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pnalley

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Reply with quote  #13 
My worst was when I got an order for a house with 20+/- acres. I pulled up in the driveway and it was an octagon. The dang house was a 1br/2bath octagon and the really cool bunk house was a 2BR/1BA. I just put my head on the steering wheel and said some nasty words. Matter of fact I think I was talking to Skelley when I first saw it. She heard what I said.

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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #14 

Update:  I got poison ivey from this inspection.  Not lying...

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WIMIKE

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Reply with quote  #15 

I had a long stretch of homes that were the worst looking homes on the block, a while ago.  Not fun at all.  USE CALAMINE LOTION


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mike
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ComparableForeclosure

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Reply with quote  #16 
Nomad,

 Please post a picture of the weird stucco house and her little  sister.


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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #17 

The story is so embellished that it would only be a dissapointment for you... 

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Carol

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Reply with quote  #18 

Nomad: that was too funny. I needed that today. Just appraised some duplex built in the 80s among ones in the 20s. FHA, needs insulation, has dryrot, roof needs repaired, etc. then I found out I have to go back AGAIN to some crappy house in Damascus which is like a million miles from me b/c USDA said there can't be more then one shed on the property (even though I gave none of them value). This will be the third time I've been out there. Will have to do a completion cert on this duplex also. I'm just trying to get done to get the out of Oregon and go on vacation Saturday! so much for having thurs and Fri to pack. We've all been there when you think it is a slam dunk easy job....

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Bobby

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Reply with quote  #19 
I got a purchase for an REO trouse on a full basement (50% finished) on an excellent lake Lanier lot...

Not to mention, I am being threatened that there is $10,000 in earnest money at risk if I don't finish it before the contracted due date of the 19th.

So they want to speed up the process and for this now complex assignment and pay a standard fee....

Oh how I love Fridays!

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Meatloaf

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Reply with quote  #20 
Different year... Same schitt!!!

Happy 4th.

I built a stucco house... Built the b!tch a big fugging square.  No bushes.... No spiders.... No freaking ADU!

Happy birthday Merica!!!!

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Nomad

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Reply with quote  #21 
Ha I remember that POS.  Still in my top 5.
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Meatloaf

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Reply with quote  #22 
Although its been over 6 years... Your original post captures the sentiment of many appraisers.  

Honestly... I think its a damn literary masterpiece.  It stirred my soul better than some of the best poetry or prose that I have ever read.

Reading your post, I felt as if I was standing right there in your shoes... I can see the house, I can feel the sweat running down the crack of my ass and I can see the knee high grass.  I can hear the chained up dog barking as you navigate the unkept turds in the yard whilst looking also for snakes.  Its late in the afternoon and you have somewhere to be in about an hour and you know this sucker is going to make you late.... Your post conjures up that exact same feeling of despair.

I have 18 houses to look at tomorrow and only one final to do.  It will be near 100 degrees.  I worry that my last inspection of the day will be this damn stucco house.



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